Random Dramione Ramblings
by LadiePhoenix007
Summary: Just some Draco/Hermione drabbles or one-shots for your enjoyment. None are related to one another and all will be differently rated from 'K' to 'M'. I have given this an overall rating of 'M' to be safe as some will definitely qualify. Almost all are AU and OOC. Don't be shy about leaving a review!
1. What's In a Name?

**Disclaimer: **This is a work of (fan)fiction using the world and characters of Harry Potter belonging to J.K. Rowling. Only the plot belongs to me.

**Rating: **T

**Genre: **humor

**A/N:** Just a little fun drabble about the different nicknames sometimes used by myself and others for Hermione Granger in various stories. Opinions tend to vary on which, if any, are acceptable. This story is AU and OOC. - Reviews not necessary but always welcomed!

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**What's In a Name?**

* * *

The red headed witch rolled her eyes and shook her head. They were at it again. This time it was about nicknames. Specifically, it was the curly haired witch's dislike for any of the nicknames. She glanced over at her brother and boyfriend and noticed they were trying to not laugh outright because they knew it would just piss off their friend.

The argument grew louder when Draco called the curly brunette Hermy. She snarled at him and said, "You ever want to get into my bed again, you will never utter that vile nickname at me!" She narrowed her eyes at Ron and Harry, knowing they were practically dying from keeping their mirth to themselves.

The Slytherin just smiled at his girlfriend. "So you probably won't approve of Herms either?" He answered, giving her a wink.

At that point, Ron snorted at the blonde. He was almost impressed with Draco's ability to continue despite knowing Hermione's quick temper. "Y'know Mione, lots of people have nicknames. No need to bite his head off because of it." He teased.

Hermione whipped her head around and glared at the male Weasley. "Don't call me that, Ronald!" She scolded. "Mione sounds like you can't say my full name."

Ron quickly stopped smiling and looked down at the floor and mumbled, "Sorry Hermione." This caused his sister and Harry to both snicker at him being told off from their friend.

At this point, even Draco was having a hard time to keep from laughing. He loved getting his witch riled up. She was so sexy when she was angry. "Surely there is nothing wrong with Mya? I think that is a totally acceptable nickname." He announced.

Hermione threw a pillow off the couch at him which he caught. _Damn seeker skills,_ she thought. "No. No Mya or Mia or Mione. No to Herms or Hermy, which are both horrendous. No shortened versions of my name. My full name is just fine, thank you very much." The brunette witch snapped at the occupants in the Head's common room. She placed her hands on her hip and waited for her boyfriend to respond.

Draco sighed in defeat. He didn't want to get her so mad that she really kept him out of her bedroom. "Fine, you win. I'll just fucking call you Granger."

Hermione smiled and sat down on his lap and hugged him. "I can live with that. Thank you, Drakie-poo."

Ron, Harry, and Ginny fell onto the floor laughing.


	2. It's Just Coffee

**Summary: **The war has been over for a few years. Draco and Hermione both work as healers. This is just a one-shot about how Draco tries to become friends with Hermione and it all starts with a cup of coffee.

**Disclaimer: **This is a work of (fan) fiction using the world and characters of Harry Potter belonging to J.K. Rowling. Only the plot belongs to me.

**Rating: **K

**Genre: **friendship

**A/N:** This story is AU and OOC. - Reviews not necessary but always welcomed!

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**It's Just Coffee**

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_Impossible __Grind __Cafe__ – Diagon Alley_

Draco sat down at the small table in the cafe. He smiled at the confused look on the brunette's face that was occupying the seat across from him. He set a cup of coffee in front of her. "Don't worry about it, Granger. It's just coffee."

Hermione's look went from puzzlement to annoyance quickly. "Couldn't you choose another table instead of inflicting yourself on me?" She fumed.

The former Slytherin took a sip of his coffee. "Seeing as we're colleagues now, we should be able to hold a civil conversation over a cup of coffee." He said a bit pompously.

"Oh really? Since when have you ever cared to have any sort of conversation with me, much less a civil one?" She inquired giving him a glare.

He savored the bitter brew as he took another mouthful and shrugged his shoulders at the riled witch opposite him. "I've grown up since the war. Before the war, really." He finished his cup. "It's just coffee, Granger." He answered. He stood up and left after nodding to her.

Hermione exhaled slowly and watched him leave. She shook her head and went back to the book she had been reading before being interrupted. Soon she was engrossed in her novel not even thinking about the cup of coffee she was enjoying.

* * *

_St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries__ – London, England_

Hermione sat in the cafeteria of St. Mungo's with her head resting on the table in front of her. She was exhausted after pulling a double shift in the emergency ward.

What should have been a quiet and uneventful evening had become a loud chaotic disturbance when several players of two opposing teams from a charity quidditch game had shown up. There were several injuries from a fight that had broken out at the pitch and some of the players were still in the midst of fighting right there in the hospital.

Between the Aurors and referees, they finally managed to get everyone separated and the healers were able to begin treatment on the injured. Several healed broken noses, cracked ribs, busted knuckles, and bruises later, the night finally seemed to be quiet again.

Of course, had she not already worked a full eight hours prior to the quidditch debacle, she may have not been so expended at this point. She just needed to gather enough energy to walk to the hospital's travel room and floo home. At least that's what she kept telling herself as she continued to rest there.

The blond healer walked over to the now softly snoring brunette witch. He quietly set down both of coffees he had been carrying and gently shook her shoulder. "Granger, wake up." He smiled as she gave a quiet snort but didn't wake up. "C'mon, you need to wake up now." He shook her again.

Hermione woke with a startled cry. When her eyes focused, she groaned at the sight of Malfoy. He smirked at her and took the other seat at the table. She rubbed her eyes and spied the cup of coffee in front of her. Before she could voice her annoyance, Draco spoke first. "It's just coffee. No need to thank me, Granger."

Hermione sneered at the arrogant wizard. "I won't." She grasped the cup and took a long pull from it. "Why are you here?" She asked.

Draco was pleased that she had accepted the coffee but wisely chose not to make reference to it. "I work here, same as you." He grinned at her.

Rolling her eyes at his answer, Hermione quickly slugged down the welcomed caffeine. "We're not friends, Malfoy. I'm not some simpering pureblood witch that can't wait to drape myself all over you so I can't fathom why you are doing this." She had stood up at the end of her small rant and glared at the Malfoy heir.

Draco frowned slightly and met her stare head on and spoke calmly, "I'm not the same boy you knew in school. I'm not your enemy, Granger." He stood up as well. "It's just coffee." The wizard walked away before Hermione could react.

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Weeks flew by and during that time, Hermione would find herself sitting across from the man she didn't hate quite as much as she thought she had. Always with a cup of much needed coffee for her, no sugar and a scant amount of milk, just the way she liked it. He was always polite while she continued to be irritated. Often, he would be the one to leave before her and always with the reminder that it was just coffee.

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_Impossible __Grind __Cafe__ – Diagon Alley_

Hermione was having lunch with another colleague, Brenda Markson, a medi-witch from the emergency department. The brunette decided to tell her about what had been happening between herself and Malfoy. She explained about how he had treated her during their school years and that they had been on opposite sides of the war.

She didn't need to go into much detail about Malfoy being a Death Eater or how he had been placed under probation rather than being sent to Azkaban because of his age at the time he accepted the mark as well because of the threats against his family if he hadn't.

Brenda knew most of that as it had been plastered on the front pages of all the wizarding papers during his trial. She listened to the former Gryffindor and tried to keep an open mind. Being muggle-born herself, she had great empathy towards the witch sitting at the table with her and all she had gone through during the war. However, she had met Healer Malfoy and found him to be a charming and witty man. He was also a brilliant healer.

Hermione finally asked, "Am I being unfair? He hasn't said anything offensive to me in all this time. Could he really have changed?" She felt bad putting Brenda on the spot like this but she had needed to get someone's opinion. Desperately needed and she knew it wasn't something she could discuss with Ginny or Harry and certainly not Ron.

The kind medi-witch took some time to gather her thoughts before finally facing her friend. "I think that you are the only one that can decide if he's really changed from the boy you went to school with to the wizard he has become now. I only know him from St. Mungo's and I have never heard him say anything offensive about muggle-borns. I have never heard rumors of him talking about blood purity and you know I hear all the gossip." She smiled and continued, "Hermione, he seems to be the Draco Malfoy he is now, despite how he was when he was younger. Perhaps you should give him a chance. I mean, it's just coffee, yeah?" Brenda explained.

Hermione was nodding her head before she even gave it a second thought. "Thank you for listening and for your advice. If Malfoy can change and be a better person than he was, who am I to hold a grudge?" She stated.

* * *

_St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries__ – London, England_

The break room was dim and quiet which was not surprising since it was 2:00 in the morning. Hermione was sitting there with her eyes closed trying to relax before going back to the ward. She had lost a patient earlier and even though no one expected the man to live, she was still bothered by it.

She felt the presence of another in front of her and opened her eyes to see Malfoy placing a styrofoam cup in front of her. She put both hands around it and once he sat down across from her, she spoke. "Thank you. I really need this." She took a careful sip of the hot liquid.

Draco was caught completely off guard. He was expecting her usual sarcasm, not her gratitude. He wasn't sure what had changed but he didn't want to ruin it by staring at her like a simpleton. "No problem, Granger. It's just coffee." He smirked in his usual manner and drank from his cup.

Hermione noticed his quick look of surprise before he put up his usual _Malfoy face_ and smiled inwardly. It felt good to have taken him by surprise. "Well, be that as it may, I do appreciate it." She stood and nodded at him. "Best get back to work. See you, Malfoy." She left the room, taking her coffee with her.

* * *

Hermione and Draco seemed to have come to an understanding. Not one that was spoken about but an understanding never the less. They often could be found in the break room or cafeteria during their breaks or in between shifts having coffee and talking. The conversations weren't earth shattering or very deep, just lighthearted talks of work and mutual acquaintances. Sometimes they just drank their coffee in companionable silence, too tired to speak.

The brunette witch realized that Draco had really made changes for the better in his life. He was still arrogant but not in a hurtful or condescending way like he was when they were younger. He was charming and had a wicked sense of humor that she quite enjoyed. She found herself looking forward to his company more and more each day.

Draco found her just as she was getting ready to floo home. He had finally decided to ask her what he'd wanted to ever since he'd seen her in the healer training courses that they both attended. "Granger! Wait a moment, please!" He yelled.

Hermione spun around and saw Draco running towards her. She wondered what was so important that it couldn't wait until their next shift. "Did I forget something?" She questioned.

Draco stopped right in front of her and took a couple of calming breaths before he reached for her hands. Noticing her confusion, he rubbed his thumbs over her knuckles and looked into her caramel colored eyes. "There is a new cafe opening in Hogsmeade this weekend and I was hoping you'd accompany me to it." He softly inquired.

The usually brilliant witch stood there for a moment. Her mouth opened and then shut. She seemed to be unable to form words. She had heard him ask her out, but all she could think about was the small jolt of electricity that she felt the minute, no, the second he'd grabbed her hands. She heard him sigh and felt him loosen his hold on her hands. It compelled her to tighten her hands on his and say, "I'd love to, Draco." She smiled a bit shyly at him then.

Draco had thought he'd made a mistake when she didn't immediately answer. Just as he was resigning himself to walk away, she had not only acquiesced to his request, but she had said his name. _His first name_. It sounded beautiful coming from her. "That's fantastic. I'll pick you up at ten on Saturday." He smiled at her and brought one of her hands up to brush his lips against the knuckles.

As Draco stepped away to allow her to use the floo, she called out, "It's just coffee, right?" She was hoping it was more than that. It had _seemed_ like it was more than that.

Draco shook his head and answered, "No, Hermione. It's more than just coffee." He gave her another devastatingly sexy smile and left the travel room.

Hermione watched him leave and grinned. She had never looked forward to a cup of coffee more than she did now.

The End


	3. Ron's is Bigger

**Summary:** This is Hermione and Draco's final year at Hogwarts. They are Head Girl and Head Boy and share living quarters. Neville overhears them having an argument.

**Disclaimer: **This is a work of (fan) fiction using the world and characters of Harry Potter belonging to J.K. Rowling. Only the plot belongs to me.

**Rating: **T

**Genre: **humor/romance

**Characters:** Hermione G., Draco M., Neville L.

**A/N:** This story is AU and OOC. - Reviews not necessary but always welcomed!

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**Ron's is Bigger**

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Neville had just reached the Head's tower when he heard the yelling. He cringed slightly as he wasn't looking forward to walking into the middle of another argument between the Head Boy and Head Girl. As he stepped up to the entrance of their common room, he realized the portrait guarding it was slightly ajar which explained why he could hear them so clearly. Just as he was about to knock, he caught what was being said and stood there with his mouth wide open in shock.

_Inside the Head's common room_

Hermione let out an exasperated sigh. "Merlin, why do you have to be an arse about it? I just said that Ron's is bigger. I don't know what the big deal is, Draco." She gave him a piercing stare and continued, "Why do you even care?"

Draco didn't normally give a shite about anything to do with the weasel but the way Hermione had stated the size of it infuriated him. _As if she'd know anything about it._ "It's not the size that matters, Granger. It's all in how you handle it." He stalked closer to her, backing her up against the wall.

The witch was not about to be intimidated by the Slytherin so she stood as tall as her petite frame allowed, pointing her chin out defiantly. "It shouldn't matter. I mean, Ron is taller so his should be bigger." She taunted with smirk.

The blond wizard just shook his head in disbelief. "How do you even know if it's bigger? Personal experience? I thought you two weren't that close anymore." Draco retorted with a sneer.

Hermione's cheeks reddened slightly. "So what if I have? It's none of your business, is it? Not like you've offered me use of yours." She huffed.

_Outside the Head's portrait_

Neville's eyes were in danger of popping out of his head as he continued to eavesdrop on the fight between the Gryffindor and Slytherin. He knew that he needed to deliver a message from the Professor McGonagall but he didn't want to get in the middle of the two hot heads. Especially if they started to hex one another. So he just continued to stand there, unenthusiastically listening.

_Inside the Head's common room_

Draco couldn't believe what he heard. Did the sexy bookworm just complain that he hadn't offered her use of his? The wizard placed his hands on the wall on either side of her head, trapping her. His eyes softened and his sneer changed to a genuine smile. "Is that what you want, Hermione?" He asked huskily. "Just say the word and I'll let you. In fact, I'll insist."

Hermione couldn't seem to concentrate on anything but Draco's beautiful stormy eyes and all that she saw in them. She slowly licked her lips which seemed to fascinate the blond that was towering over her. "I have never had personal experience with Ron's. I was just going by what he had said." She bit her bottom lip and looked down, the blush on her cheeks deepening.

Draco felt a great sense of relief when he heard her confess that she hadn't any familiarity with Ron's equipment. He watched as she bit down on her bottom lip and it made him almost groan out loud. Did she have any idea how arousing that was? He leaned in a bit closer and Hermione placed her hands on his chest, not pushing him back but gripping his quidditch robes. "Tell me Hermione. Tell me you want mine." He demanded.

Hermione felt the heat between herself and the strikingly attractive wizard in front of her. Her hands tightened on his robes as she answered, "Yes, Draco. I want to grab yours with my hands and put it between my legs and then ride it until I scream!"

Just as she finished her sentence, Draco's mouth came crashing down on hers. He licked the seam of her lips and she parted them so he could push his tongue inside of her mouth, dueling with hers. As they deepened their kiss, a loud squeak and thump were heard from right outside the entrance. Reluctantly they parted in order to find out what or who was outside their common room.

Neville was on the floor in a heap. Hermione pulled out her wand and cast "Rennervate" on him. The heads watched as he regained consciousness and looked around. When he spotted them, he slowly stood.

Draco no longer held his old prejudices but he couldn't help but tease the other wizard. "What's the matter, Longbottom? Just realizing how bloody good I look in my quidditch gear?" He smirked.

The witch swatted the head boy in the arm which earned her a frown from him. She turned to her fellow Gryffindor, "Are you okay, Neville?" She inquired kindly.

Neville nodded for a bit until he realized the two heads were observing him expectantly. He suddenly remembered the disagreement he had overheard and his eyes immediately widened. "Uh, that is to say..." he stammered. "I mean, Professor McGonagall wants to see you both." He began nodding again and walked away before Hermione or Draco could respond.

"Well, that was interesting." The Slytherin remarked. Quickly putting it out of his mind, he turned to the brunette and drawled, "Now where were we?" He leant down to capture her lips with his but she side stepped him.

Ignoring his scowl, she began walking down the corridor. "First we see the professor and then I'll come watch your practice. I want a ride after you're done." She insisted giving him a wink.

Draco was no fool so he smartly followed the head girl towards McGonagall's office and enjoyed the view from behind. Abruptly, he stopped as a sudden thought occurred to him. "We were talking about broomsticks, right?" He asked.

Hermione giggled as she turned to face him. "Only when I said that Ron's was bigger." She spun back around and continued towards their destination.

Draco couldn't help the immediate tightening of his pants when she had shared that tidbit of information. "Sweet Circe's left tit! Wait up, Hermione!" He called as he ran to catch up with her.

The End


	4. Let It Rain

**Summary:** Hermione and Draco suffer a loss on a rainy day. **Warning/Trigger: **This story is about a miscarriage. If this bothers or offends you, please don't read.

**Disclaimer: **This is a work of (fan) fiction using the world and characters of Harry Potter belonging to J.K. Rowling. Only the plot belongs to me.

**Rating: **T

**Genre: **family/hurt/comfort

**Characters:** Hermione G., Draco M., Lucius M., Narcissa M.

**A/N:** This story is AU and OOC. - Reviews not necessary but always welcomed!

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**Let It Rain**

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The rain was coming down at a furious pace; a constant deluge that didn't show any signs of stopping. Hermione could hear it as it hit the window and shivered.

It wasn't anyone's fault. The healer had made sure to emphasize that point several times during and after the examination. "These things sometimes happen for no apparent reason." He had assured them. "You are both young and healthy and can try again in a few months." He had smiled at them as he signed some forms in Hermione's medical file. "Make sure you get some bed rest for a few days, Mrs. Malfoy." He had then handed a large vial to Hermione and said, "Take this potion for a week and you'll be fine." He left them in the examining room before Hermione or Draco could say anything.

Hermione slowly got down off the exam table and took off the paper thin gown she had put on at the beginning of the unexpected visit to the new St. Mungo's Magical Birthing Center. After she got dressed, Draco helped her into her cloak and they left, neither one speaking.

After returning to Malfoy Manor, Hermione went up to their room after telling Draco she was going to take a bath before getting some rest. He asked if she needed help and when she had shook her head, he said that he was going to speak to his parents to inform them of what had happened.

Reluctantly, he watched her go on her own before he left their wing to go to his parent's part of the manor.

~ooOoo~

Lucius and Narcissa were in their lounge having tea when Draco found them. He said nothing as he sat down and still said nothing as his mother poured his tea. He picked up the delicate cup and saucer but didn't take a sip. He just held it up, midway as if he was going to raise it up to his lips but didn't.

Narcissa watched her son with the realization that something was amiss. She had watched him for all his twenty-three years and knew when he was upset. He was more than upset, she astutely realized. It was like he was in limbo, not sure of his own state of mind.

She needed to know what was wrong if she were to help him. "Where is Hermione?" Perhaps there had been a spat between the young couple. They often allowed their passionate nature to get away with them and had several spirited quarrels that only lasted briefly throughout their relationship.

Draco looked up at his mother as if just seeing her. He quickly set the cup and saucer down on the table and sighed. "She's taking a bath." He shook his head and reached for the cup again but stopped. "It's been raining all morning." He muttered.

"Draco!" Narcissa's voice cut sharply through the lounge causing her husband to look up from the financial paperwork he had been perusing. "Draco, what is the matter? You seem to be out of sorts today. Is everything all right?" She had not seen her son in this state since during the war when he had nearly collapsed from all the pressures on his young shoulders.

The Malfoy heir looked into his mother's concerned face and his resolve to not cry came close to breaking. "It's Hermione." He stated.

Lucius sighed loudly and gave his son a piercing stare as he spoke. "For Merlin's sake, have you two had an argument again? Can't you learn to not be so disagreeable with your wife?" He was about to say more when he noticed Draco's shoulders start to shake. He looked at his wife helplessly as he had no clue what could make his son, a Malfoy, show such emotion.

Narcissa put her hands upon Draco's shoulders and whispered, "Tell me. Tell me what is wrong, Draco."

The blond raised his face up to look at his mother, eyes shiny from unshed tears. "It's gone, mother. I don't know what happened." He kept peering at her as if he thought she would be able to give him answers.

"What's gone? I'm sure we can find it." Lucius couldn't fathom what was so important that would make his son this unhappy.

A pained moan came out of Narcissa. She grasped her son's shoulders harder and pulled his head to her chest. It seemed to trigger something as Draco's sobs tore through him. "I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry." She soothed as she cried as well.

The only sounds were the cries of both mother and son and the hard unrelenting rain against the windows of the manor.

~ooOoo~

After a soak in the tub, Hermione was sitting on the sofa in the bedroom in front of the fire with a blanket over her. She had a book opened on her lap but had no ambition to read it. She just sat there listening to the damn rain with tumbled thoughts going through her head. A soft 'pop' alerted her that a house elf had appeared. She shifted towards the sound and saw that Tofty was placing a tray on the small side table. "I'se brought tea for Missus Herminny." The little elf said in a more subdued manner than normal. "You'se must have some to feel better." She bobbed a bit as she gestured to the tea and sandwiches.

Hermione sighed and agreed with the elf. She knew that the house elves only meant to be helpful and to serve the family. Their magic was attuned to them and knew when something was wrong. Tofty bowed and then apparated out of the room.

Hermione continued to sit there, lost in her thoughts. She knew that miscarriages happened to women for no apparent reason. She had read enough books about pregnancy to know that even when the expectant mother was healthy with no medical problems a _spontaneous abortion_ could occur. However, none of this made her feel better. She was unsure if she ever would.

The bedroom door opened and shut. A moment later, Draco stood next to her. When she looked up at him, she noticed his eyes were red from crying. His face was pinched and his shoulders sagged in defeat. He knelt on the floor and reached out to push a curl behind her ear, his thumb brushing against her cheek. "I've informed my parents and they wanted me to let you know they're here if you need anything." His voice was soft and a bit rough.

She nodded and turned her face into his hand. Her chest ached and her head pounded. The sound of a loud long sob was heard and it took a second to realize it had come from her. Draco encircled her with his arms and pulled her towards him as she finally cried hot bitter tears for their loss.

They remained locked together, grieving for the unborn child that was never to be held by them, never to be rocked and soothed by the loving couple.

As the afternoon wore on, the couple stayed in front of the fire, mourning and they let it rain.

The end


	5. What Pansy Witnessed

**Summary:** Pansy Parkinson just can't seem to take a hint. Everyone knows that Draco Malfoy is in love with Hermione Granger. Everyone, it seems, but Pansy. **Warning: **Hints of mental illness/obsessive behavior.

**Disclaimer: **This is a work of (fan) fiction using the world and characters of Harry Potter belonging to J.K. Rowling. Only the plot belongs to me.

**Rating: **M

**Genre: **Romance

**Characters:** Hermione G., Draco M., Pansy P., Theo Nott., Luna Lovegood., Blaise Zabini

**A/N:** This story is AU and OOC. - Reviews not necessary but always welcomed!

* * *

**What Pansy Witnessed**

* * *

~ooOoo~

Being vain and forceful was two of Pansy Parkinson's best traits; at least she thought they were. She had just finished putting on her makeup and used a charm to set it for the party she was attending. Admiring herself in the mirror for the final time, she spun on her heel and apparated to Nott Manor.

She landed just outside the main door and before she could walk up to it and knock, the door was swung open by none other than Draco Malfoy, the wizard she was determined to capture as hers that evening.

Draco had opened the door when he was surprised by the raven haired witch that he had been hoping to avoid. She constantly dogged him, which was appropriate; he thought with dark amusement, as she was very pug-like in appearance.

Pansy smiled widely and ran on tip toes towards the sexy blond with her arms outstretched. "Drakie, darling! I knew you'd be anxious to see me tonight." She screeched.

The wizard grimaced at the high pitched nasal tones directed at him. He quickly side stepped out of the way as she rushed towards him, obviously hoping to catch him in her greedy grasp. She stopped and frowned for just a moment. "Drakie, don't be like that." She reached his side and clutched his left arm in both of hers.

Draco shook his arm to dislodge the tenacious hold Pansy had on him. Finally, after several attempts, he was able to shove her off of himself. "Let go, Pansy." He ground out at her while walking into the main hall. He looked around and finally spotted his friend, Blaise Zabini.

Pansy took no notice of the dark scowl that Draco was wearing. She followed him hoping for another opportunity to get a hold on him. She wasn't going to be put off easily tonight. She just knew that he was playing, probably hoping to pull off a romantic and passionate make up session later. She hadn't come on just any whim, after all; she had overheard Loony Lovegood and Theo Nott talking while having drinks at the Leaky Cauldron the other day. They were speaking in lowered tones about the surprise Draco had planned for his witch at this party. Obviously, she surmised, the surprise was for her.

Blaise smirked as he noticed his blond friend make his way over with Parkinson right on his heels. He would have laughed but knew that Draco would probably pull out his wand and hex his arse into next week if he did. Instead, he cleared his throat and called out, "Draco, I thought you were going to meet..." He saw the look on his friend's face and continued, "um, someone at the door." He finished.

Pansy latched onto Blaise and gave him a noisy kiss on the cheek. "He did, Blaise and here I am." She giggled in what she assumed was a flirty manner. Both wizards rolled their eyes at her but she didn't seem to notice.

Theo and his blond fiancée, Luna, chose that moment to walk over to the three Slytherins. Theo caught the looks between the wizards and smirked, knowing that it was Pansy that was causing them to be disgruntled.

Luna stared, unblinking at Pansy and cocked her head to the side. She seemed to be studying her intently for a moment. Suddenly, she broke into a wide grin. "I have never seen such a manifestation of Whackspurts on someone." She sing-songed. "Your aura is very dark. Have you been eating tainted fish?" She asked the Slytherin witch with genuine concern in her voice.

Pansy scoffed and wrinkled her nose at the blond Ravenclaw. "Don't be absurd. Keep your ridiculous opinions to yourself." She hissed while stomping a foot.

Theo, who had been mildly amused at how oblivious his former classmate was, became quite annoyed at how she spoke to his witch. "I believe that you should learn some manners, Parkinson, especially since you weren't actually on the guest list for this evening's soiree." He sneered.

Pansy realized she had irritated the wrong wizard and mumbled a quiet apology to him. She stepped closer to Draco but he walked away from the small group. The witch was confused as to why he had abandoned her when he should have been protecting her and demanding that Theo apologize to her. She furrowed her brows and looked at Blaise. "Where did Drakie go?" She asked.

Blaise gave an exasperated sigh as he turned away and began conversing with Theo and Luna, ignoring her. Pansy was livid. How dare they treat her that way? _Well_, she thought, _they would be sorry when she was the new Lady Malfoy if they wanted to continue being friends with Draco._ She stormed away and looked for her blond wizard.

Draco couldn't believe that he had to deal with Pansy's obsession once again. He didn't know how much clearer he could have been for her to finally get it. He completely regretted his hasty decision to sleep with her once, back in their fifth year. She had become entirely fixated since then and was determined to become his wife.

He found himself in the foyer and smiled when he saw his witch come through the door. She was wearing a beautiful silver and red halter dress that ended mid thigh. It showed off all her sexy curves without being too revealing. He quickly made his way to the curly brunette. "You look stunning, love." He complimented as he leant down and kissed her.

Hermione was pleased with Draco's reaction to her new dress. She had taken more time than usual as this gathering was mostly made up of Slytherins and their partners. She understood that this was part of their informal rituals; a way for Draco to claim her as his to the other wizards and witches. Once upon a time, Hermione would have objected on principle at such a barbaric notion but living in the magical community for the last ten years, she realized that some traditions continued. At least Draco treated her as an equal in their relationship in all ways. This was just another declaration of their exclusivity.

After the kiss, Draco led her to the main hall and they immediately spotted Theo and Luna. As they made their way towards the other couple, they didn't notice Pansy glaring at them from the other side of the room.

_Mudblood,_ thought the raven haired witch. _How dare he humiliate himself and me like this?_ She was beyond enraged_. Who did that disgusting Gryffindor slag think she was? Touching a pureblood like that. _ Pansy's thoughts raced as she began to pace while still watching her wizard with that filthy know-it-all.

Hermione was having a delightful chat with Luna about an old, odd tradition of wizards wearing a string of garlic around their bullocks during the blue moon phase to ward off Vampire Pixies in Transylvania. While the brunette was often a bit skeptical of her friend's quirky tid-bits, she did enjoy speaking with her. She had also discovered that there were frequent nuggets of insightful knowledge amongst the Ravenclaw's stories.

Draco chose that moment to take Hermione's hand and motioned with his head to go with him. Luna giggled and gave a wave to the couple. Hermione wondered where her boyfriend was leading her and why.

Pansy witnessed the mudblood being pulled along by Draco and saw them heading towards the guest wing of the Nott Manor. She narrowed her eyes and then she smiled. _ He must be getting rid of her and being decent and not wanting to cause a scene, he's taking her away from the party. _She thought. The Slytherin witch decided to follow as she wanted to observe the heartbreak of the foul-blooded bookworm.

Blaise had meandered his way back to the hosting couple and was speaking about returning to Italy for his mother's wedding to husband number eight when Luna saw Pansy following Draco and Hermione. She kissed her fiancé on the cheek and headed toward the guest wing.

* * *

~ooOoo~

Draco brought Hermione to the guest room that he claimed whenever he stayed at Nott's. Once inside, he led her to the bed and bade her to sit down. The curly haired witch sat and grinned at her boyfriend, "You couldn't wait? A bit impatient are we?"

The tall blond waved his wand and as the lights went out, several candles lit up around the room. He knelt down on one knee and pulled out a small box from his pocket. Hermione placed both of her hands in front of her face as she realized immediately what he was doing. The wizard patiently waited for her to move her hands from covering her eyes and when it took too long for him, he reached up and tenderly brought one hand down to his mouth to sweetly kiss each fingertip. Looking directly into her caramel orbs, he began his heartfelt plea, "Hermione, I knew after the first date we had that you were the witch for me. I decided right then that I was going to court you and ask for your hand in marriage." Draco took a deep breath and kissed the inside of her wrist before continuing, "I love you with all my heart and soul, Hermione. Would you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Draco opened the small jewelry box that he had been holding and waited for his true love to answer him.

Hermione, still crying softly, looked from the wizard to the beautiful diamond ring and then back to Draco. She nodded as she spoke. "I love you completely, Draco. Yes, I will marry you." She answered.

Draco smiled and took the ring out of the box and then slid it onto Hermione's hand. "Love, you have made me the happiest…" Draco was interrupted by a yell from the doorway. He turned just in time to see Pansy aiming her wand at his girlfriend. Before she could call out a hex, Luna hit her from behind with the body binding spell. Pansy stiffened and fell straight to the floor with a loud _thud_.

Luna stepped over the fallen Slytherin and asked the couple if they were unhurt. After receiving affirmatives from both, she bent down and grabbed Pansy's wand and place it in her pocket. "Well, carry on then. I will just go downstairs and add this to the collection of lost wands we have." The blond Ravenclaw waved to the newly engaged pair and skipped out of the room muttering about always finding misplaced wands after their parties and how those mischievous faes always seem to be around.

Draco couldn't believe what Pansy had just tried to do to Hermione. He was grateful that Luna had been there to stop her but he was furious that his former classmate had taken her obsession to this point. He walked over until he was right next to the fallen witch. He sneered as he looked down upon her. "You are a pathetic cow, Parkinson. I have told you over and over that I want nothing to do with you in any capacity and you're just too fucking stupid to get it! This is your last and final warning so you had better pay attention. Never come near me or Hermione again. Don't speak to us. In fact, don't even look at either one of us. If you don't heed my warnings, I will file harassment paperwork with the authorities and have my legal team go after you." He walked back over to where his fiancée was standing and kissed her quite thoroughly.

Hermione pulled away from Draco and raised her wand. She wordlessly cast a spell that had ropes tangling around the still paralyzed witch. She then levitated the bound woman to a chair that had an unrestricted view of the large bed. Once that was done, she tossed her wand down on the nightstand and encircled her arms around her handsome wizard. "I say we give her a show just so she understands that we are truly together." Hermione declared.

Draco smirked at his lover's bold suggestion and after using his wand to cast a locking and silencing spell to the door, he set his wand down next to hers. "I agree completely, my love." He answered as he began to kiss and lick her neck.

Pansy stared at the scene playing out before her in horror. She couldn't move, not even to close her damn eyes to stop having to watch. Anger and disgust raced through her as she observed the wizard she loved enjoy the touch of the repulsive Gryffindor. Not only did he seem to enjoy it, but he was giving her encouragement and touching her body as well. The scorned witch wanted to scream at what she was having to witness.

The engaged couple made passionate love, both screaming one another's name as the each reached their completion. They lay there, still intimately joined, gasping for breath. Draco finally rolled off her and as he lay next to her, he told her again that he loved her. Hermione snuggled against him and declared her love for him as well. He reached for his wand and after unlocking the door, pointed it towards the seething observer and levitated her out of the room where she crashed onto the floor. With another flick of his wand, the door slammed and locked behind her.

Pansy lay there on the hallway floor, furious and humiliated but knew that this wasn't done. She would not lose to that muddy bint. She _would_ make him see reason and she _would_ be the next Mrs. Draco Abraxas Malfoy. No matter what, even if it killed her. The body bind finally lifted, and she became aware that her night of embarrassment wasn't over as she was still bound by the ropes. She continued to lay there, waiting to be found. She tried to forget what she had witnessed.

Hermione cuddled with her love and thought about her future. She would never had imagined this was where her life would be when she was younger, especially with Draco; the one who had tormented her and her friends back in school, but now she couldn't imagine life without him. Draco kissed her forehead and hugged her tightly to him. "We should get dressed and go back to the party before someone comes looking." He sighed. "I'll get Theo to sort out Parkinson." He added.

"Yes, that would be good. I don't want to ever deal with her again." She replied. Draco nodded in agreement. "Let's go and tell everyone the good news." She looked at her engagement ring again and began to gather her clothes. "Also, you owe me a new pair of knickers. Again." She smirked. Draco just pulled her close to him and murmured against her lips that she should just stop wearing the damn things and then snogged her senseless.

* * *

~ooOoo~

_**One year later**_

Pansy sat, fuming as she reread the Daily Prophets' headline again.

_**Malfoy Heir Marries the Muggle-born Beauty of the Golden Trio**_

She balled up the paper and threw it to the floor. It wasn't over. Even though there was nothing to keep her hopes alive, she just knew that Draco would come to his senses and come crawling back to her. She would leave England and find another wealthy wizard to court her, make her Drakie jealous, and then she would make a triumphant return and show him exactly what he was missing. Then he would leave that filthy mudblood. Now she just had to figure out how to convince her father of her plan so he would finance her trip.

Healer Miriam Strout took notes as she observed Miss Parkinson behind the two way mirror. The poor witch had been a patient of the Janus Thickey Ward at St. Mungo's for a year and showed no signs of getting better. She continued to suffer delusional thinking and was still very much obsessed with Mr. Draco Malfoy. The healer shook her head in sadness and concluded that the patient would remain indefinitely for further treatment.

~ooOoo~

The end

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**End Notes:** To read the explicit chapter, click the link on my profile page for my stories on AO3.


	6. Foolish April Birthday Fun

**Summary:** The Weasley twins love to celebrate their birthday with a new prank. Draco and Hermione are two of the students that get firsthand experience. Just a tiny bit of explicit citrus included. (Both Draco and Hermione are in their sixth year)

**Disclaimer: **This is a work of (fan) fiction using the world and characters of Harry Potter belonging to J.K. Rowling. Only the plot belongs to me.

**FB Group Prompt: **April Fool's Day

**Rating: **M

**Genre: **Humor/Romance

**Characters:** Hermione G., Draco M., Fred W., George W., Severus S.

**A/N:** This story is AU and OOC. Voldemort never came back and there was not a second wizarding war. Everyone lives. - Go ahead and leave a review, please!

* * *

**Foolish April Birthday Fun**

* * *

No one thought that their pumpkin juice tasted off or looked any different. Of course, that was one of the reasons it was such a successful experiment. If someone had realized their morning beverage had been altered in any way, the fun filled day would have never happened. Fred and George Weasley smiled smugly at one another and vowed to add the new potion to their growing line of products.

~ooOoo~

_**First of April - Breakfast in the Great Hall**_

Bangs and explosive laughter could be heard throughout the hall. April Fool's Day had officially begun at Hogwarts. Professor Snape looked even more disgusted than usual and kept his eagle-eyed stare on his house's table, silently admonishing them to behave. Headmaster Dumbledor was simply delighted at the gaiety of the children in the hall. He was very fond of this holiday as he thought laughter was often the best medicine for all, even those that didn't know it was needed. Most of the other professors happily ignored the students' breakfast pranks as they believed it would allow for a quieter day in their classrooms having gotten the silliness out of their systems.

Suddenly, throughout the hall, loud _pops_ and outraged screams could be heard. Some of the students were standing with complete looks of disbelief on their faces and pointed at various witches and wizards. The ones that were subject to finger pointing were undergoing transformations. After a few moments, the students that had been obviously pranked were left as the opposite sex than what they had been born as. Witches were wizards and vice versa. Even the professors were not immune as Professor Snape stood and everyone could see his greasy black hair had lengthened to fall down to his waist and he was sporting quite a buxom bounty on his chest. Professor Dumbledor took that moment to stand and bow at the now feminine potion master and gallantly offered to help seat the confused and angry professor.

~ooOoo~

_**Gryffindor Table**_

Hermione could feel the changes in her body and was aghast to look down and see her once blossoming figure flatten out right in front of her eyes. She quickly reached up to her long bushy hair and made the discovery that it was very short and not so bushy. She also felt an odd heaviness in between her legs and realized that she had sprouted male genitalia. She was, needless to say, mortified. She noticed her friends; Ron and Harry were both staring at her with shock on their faces. She also realized with a quick glance around, that she wasn't the only poor soul that had been made the butt of the joke. She spotted the Weasley twins and narrowed her eyes at them. Of course, they would be the ones to pull a prank of this magnitude on helpless victims. She would definitely be writing to their mother as soon as she was back to normal. She smirked as she envisioned the howler Mrs. Weasley was sure to send them in response.

~ooOoo~

_**Slytherin Table**_

Draco was horrified. How dare someone do this to him? His father was most certainly going to hear about this. He grabbed his newly formed breasts and thought that if he was going to have tits, they'd better be impressive. From the way Blaise was drooling at him and how they felt in his hands, they were. He started towards the exit, along with quite a few other newly transformed pupils when the headmaster's voice stopped everyone. All Draco heard was that classes were dismissed and to see Madam Pomfrey if needed. He also saw Professor McGonagall and Hagrid grab the identical Weasley twits before they could escape with the throng of students. Draco pushed his way out of the hall and broke into a run until he reached the Prefect bathroom on the sixth floor.

~ooOoo~

_**Sixth Floor Prefect Bathroom**_

Hermione had finally found an unlocked and seemingly unoccupied Prefect loo after trying two others on different floors. Once she was inside the locked room, she stripped off her clothing. Standing in front of a full length mirror, she wrinkled her nose as she examined herself from head to toe before zeroing in on the penis and bullocks that had replaced her vagina.

Draco stood in the corner near the large walk-in shower and watched Hermione take off all her clothes and stand naked in front of a mirror. He was alarmed that he was a bit fascinated with seeing Granger as a boy. She now sported short tightly curled hair and her figure was slender without the curves that he had recently noticed his rival trying to hide under her school robes. As a male, she now had lean muscles that were more noticeable as she twisted around trying to view her new form at every angle.

Suddenly she stopped and slowly turned around to see the platinum blond Slytherin standing naked by the large shower. "Merlin's Sake, Malfoy! Why are you watching me and why are you naked?" She tetchily demanded.

Draco scowled and instead of being embarrassed, he stood proudly and thrust his ample chest out. "Well Granger, I'm certainly not ashamed at how good I look as a man or a woman. Just look at my fucking figure!" He spun around so she could sample his sexy body. "I rock this bod!" He declared while he sashayed closer to her.

Hermione could feel the blood rush to her cheeks. Of course he'd be arrogant as a female. Whatever redeeming qualities Draco may have lacked in the Gryffindor's eyes, self confidence was not one of them. She jutted out a hip and placed her hand on it, determined to not let him win this little showdown. "I always thought you were a bit fem, Malfoy." She spat out at him. "Looks like your natural inclinations have finally been allowed to _come out_." She noticed his immediate look of anger and smirked at him. _Take that_, she thought.

The blond sneered at her and moved until he was only inches away, using his height to try and intimidate her. "I noticed you stripped down as soon as you came in here, bookworm. Trying to figure out how a dick works? The weasel not letting you touch his?"

"None of your business, Ferret!" Hermione spat at him. "Just because you slut yourself out doesn't mean everyone else does. Not that it's any of your business, but I don't even like Ron like that." She tried to step away but the Slytherin stopped her. "Let me go!" She shouted.

Draco wasn't sure what came over him at that moment. Maybe it was because of this morning's gender swap or perhaps his recent attraction to the swotty brunette in front of him, but he suddenly grabbed Hermione's head with both hands and pressed his mouth upon hers. He used his lips and tongue to get her to open her mouth and after a brief moment of stillness, she reacted by kissing him back. _ Well_, he thought, _maybe my morning just got better_. He brought one of his hands down to her neck as he started to trail his lips along her jaw line. "Granger," he murmured against her skin. "How do you feel about a bit of experimentation?"

Hermione moaned as his lips continued along her jaw and that spot just below her ear. "I'm always happy to improve my education, Malfoy." She answered huskily. Then she did something that made Draco groan and shift his body against hers. She brought her hands up to his breasts and tweaked his nipples lightly. She continued exploring his tits and touched him the way she enjoyed when she occasionally indulged in self pleasuring. She brushed her fingers along the bottom of them and circled the hardened pink buds before pulling and pinching them, a bit rougher each time.

Draco was surprised at her boldness but quite pleased with the results. He felt her cock beginning to harden against his thigh and he chuckled. "I'm pretty sure you're enjoying this, Hermione." Instead of answering, she fisted one of her hands in his silky tresses and began to lick his throat.

Hermione began to feel a tingling in her lower region. At first she just thought it was her body's natural response to what was happening but it began to spread throughout her body, from her scalp to her toenails. She pushed against Draco and when she opened her mouth to say something, she felt her breasts grow back to their previous stature, her hair grow long, and her brand new penis shrinking. None of it hurt, thankfully but it was a strange feeling, like worms wiggling under her skin.

The Slytherin felt a surge of anger when Hermione went from feeling him up to pushing him away until strange tingles all over his body indicated something was happening. He watched as Hermione's hair began to quickly lengthen and her magnificent boobs made their reappearance upon her recently masculine chest. He looked down at his own body and saw himself changing back into his male self.

About five minutes after it began, it was done. The two students finally became aware of one another and Hermione swiftly tried to cover herself from Draco's view with her arms. Draco licked his lips and leaned in towards the Gryffindor. "No need to be shy, pet. We really should continue with the experiment." He suggested in a flirtatious manner.

Hermione looked up at him through heavily lidded eyes and said, "I _would_ hate to interrupt our education." She allowed him to move her arms away from her body so that he could press up against her. "Please, do carry on, Draco." She purred just as the wizard placed his mouth on her bare shoulders.

"Oh I intend to, Princess." He answered while continuing his sensual exploration of her delicious skin with his lips and tongue. He was certainly grateful to the twin tricksters because this day turned out much better than it had started. He stopped thinking when he heard the brunette moan and she whispered for more. _Yes,_ he thought, _this really was a remarkable April Fool's Day._

~ooOoo~

_**The Great Hall**_

Professor Snape was busy trying to avoid the headmaster as the attention he was receiving made him uncomfortable; even more uncomfortable than having been changed into a woman. _Those identical brats were going to serve detention in the dungeons with him for the rest of the year for this monumental mistake,_ he thought. With great relief, he felt the potion's effect ending and changing his body back to normal. He realized that Albus was still ogling him so he hastily made his way out of the hall all the time muttering about sexual harassment.

Fred and George's ears were still ringing from the lecture that Professor McGonagall had given them for the past half hour. They agreed that it was well worth it because the potion did exactly what it was supposed to do and it was sure to be another popular item at their store.

"Happy birthday, Gred." Exclaimed George.

"Happy birthday, Forge." His twin answered.

~ooOoo~

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**End Notes: **This story was inspired by ObeliskX who asked for a gender swap chapter. I apologize that it's not exactly what you meant but it gave me a plot bunny for this month's prompt. So thank you very much for that!

I would also like to thank all those that have reviewed this story. It really does make my day to read them! A special thanks to Lalina92 who has reviewed each and every chapter; you are the best!


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